her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
