Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
