It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
