D3 body, D1 cock
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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