i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
