Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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