I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
