where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
