I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
