Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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