words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
