I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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