An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
