Duck Duck Cougar?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
