mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
