I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
