I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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