the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
