i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
