I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
