I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize