this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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