i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
