im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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