he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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