i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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