??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm passing your future prison.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
