I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
