This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
