If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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