Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
