Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
