i think my tv is drunk
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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