the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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