I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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