he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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