You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
