You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
