Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
