just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
