So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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