My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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