moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
