don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
