Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
