I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
