I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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