i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
