If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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