Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
