I heard we made out
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
