dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The uberlube is also flammable
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
