I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
