last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
