I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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