fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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