Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
