Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
