I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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