she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
