I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
