I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
