I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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