Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just cropdusted the office
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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