where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
