margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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