if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
