I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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