was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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