The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
