am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
