Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
