How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
