My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize