So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
