Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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