Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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